There is NOH8 in Jesus, by Aaron C.

Wednesday, November 21st, 2012

I knew I was gay from an early age (like 4 years old), but I didn't really understand it because of all the negativity I had been raised to feel about it especially from my church. When I was in the 8th grade, I told myself I could not let myself be tempted by the devil to have attractions towards men and that I would never act on the desires I had towards other males. Then I dated women, and I just didn't feel the emotional connection I had been seeking with any of them. I assumed it was because I was celibate, but even after I lost my virginity to a woman (in an attempt to feel closer to her), I could not get the emotional bond I was seeking.

I prayed and prayed and when that didn't work, I prayed some more. Eventually, I acted on my homosexual desires with a kiss and fell in love for the first time ever, and when my first boyfriend broke up with me, I felt alone. I felt that I was unworthy of him, I was unworthy of my family and my church, and most depressingly, I felt unworthy of God. Because I felt as if I was an abomination to God, I attempted suicide multiple times.

40220_mediumOne night after contemplating suicide heavily, I shouted out to God, "Why did you put this in me if you're just going to hate me for it?" The reply brought tears to my eyes - "I love you."

I didn't believe it. I didn't believe God could love me. Then He tried to prove it to me by leading me to gay affirming passages in the Bible and leading me into research and Bible study that made me rethink what I was told. Still, I didn't believe Him. Everyone around me was telling me that God despised gay people, they were an abomination, and they were destined to burn in Hell. So I ran away from Him. I still knew He was there, I still felt Him, but I refused to listen to Him.

I had lost my worth in God, so I tried to find my worth in sex. I became overly promiscuous. I can't even remember the names or how many men I slept with. Each time I had sex, I felt as if I was in a deeper and deeper black hole. It was getting bad, and finally when one guy had told me that he contracted HIV, I fell to my knees and prayed for the first real time since I had been with a man for the first time. I asked God to protect me and to accept me back. His response: "I never left."

When I was tested, I was negative - thank God! I'm now back with God, and I feel worthy of Him. I'm back to celibacy until marriage, and I'm just trusting that He will provide me with a husband when the time is right. He wants me to have the right to marry, and no one on Earth should have the right to deny me my ability to worship God with a marriage to a man I love! I feel the Holy Spirit even more now than I did before I came to terms with being gay. From now on, I'm only listening to the voice of God not mankind, and I'm not letting any other human stand between my relationship with Him.

I took my NOH8 photo with my Bible and with my hand saying "I love you." in American Sign Language in the hopes that someone else with a struggle similar to mine may know that God loves them so much!

Here's a little Bible story that God has constantly brought me to: In Acts 8:26-40, the Bible tells the story of when Philip met an Ethiopian eunuch. The eunuch was reading a passage in the Bible from the book of Isaiah where Isaiah prophesies about the messiah. Philip asks the eunuch if he knows what that passage is about. The eunuch asked, "How can I, unless someone guides me?" because in Jewish law, eunuchs were not allowed to enter a temple of worship. Philip tells the eunuch that the passage is about Jesus, and he tells the eunuch all about the good news of Christ. When they finish, the eunuch says, "See, here is water! What prevents me from being baptized?" Philip baptized the eunuch. He didn't bring up any verses against the eunuch to tell him that he was not worthy of God like Deuteronomy 23:1 (the verse that says eunuchs cannot enter an assembly of God's people). Instead, Philip brought the eunuch to God through a baptism in Jesus Christ. What's also interesting to note is that a eunuch at this time didn't necessarily mean a man who had his genitalia cut off. In fact, there were eunuchs who were considered "natural eunuchs" (see also Matt. 19:12 when Jesus speaks of "eunuchs who were born that way"), which meant that they were born with their genitalia, but they had no desire of sex with a woman. Philip acted out on what the Holy Spirit told him, and he baptized the eunuch.

God loves all! There is NOH8 in God because God is love. God bless the NOH8 Campaign.

-Aaron C.


As a Christian that has been struggling with my orientation for the past 13 years, I thank you so much for this!!

Owen Howell 01/28/2013 03:29

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am a devoted Christian with a liking for guys and a world filled with people telling me its wrong. To read the story of someone else facing the same issue as me is beyond meaningful. Thank you so much!

Clayton Garber 03/06/2013 09:50

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful story. My hope is that more Christians will understand this. God bless you Aaron.

Tricia Gonzales 04/05/2013 12:25

Wow I love your testimony. The fact that you LOVE GOD and you are not afraid of admitting it. May you be blessed with all that you have ever dreamt of. Thank you for you testimony. One day I will write my own life story...

Corne Theron 05/09/2013 07:05

Aaron Thank you! I am a straight woman, I have been happily married for 16 years. I spent 4 years studying to be a women's pastor. Just before I graduated I started having a lot of questions, especially in the area of homosexuality. One of my best friends growing up was gay, when I was saved I worried about what would happen to him. When the school stressed heavily that gays were damned my questions grew. After I graduated I worked for 3 years in women's ministry. I loved working with the women, but my faith suffered. Recently I left the church entirely. My husband belongs to a very fundamental church and I could not continue to sit under the teaching. I believe God's love is not conditional, that if we are made in His image gay, lesbian or straight He makes no mistakes.
I tell you all this to say "Thank you", you have helped me find a little piece of God as I have always believed Him to be.
Live by Love!

Dani Chalifour 05/16/2013 20:22

Thank you so much for this!
I have been a closet gay all my life but recently, 9 years ago, came out and lost my family and children. I have been living with my Partner in Thailand for the last 9 years and have found what true love is! God has never forsaken me and has always told me that he loves me unconditionally. GOD BLESS YOU!

Jon 07/19/2013 18:15

I love this. Blessed insight. Thanks :)

Luis Gonzalez 12/04/2013 10:12

This is really awesome story! :3 I believe God is with you!

Simona Loužilová 01/26/2014 05:15

Aaron, thank you sooo much for sharing your testimony!! It meant a great deal to me to read your story because, like you, I struggled with my own sexuality and have always tried to reconcile being gay with being a Christian. I knew there had to be more brothers and sisters in the Lord like me. I've since been encouraged to learn that there are. I am 51-years-old and only came out when I was 49. It has been both scary and liberating at the same time. I was married (to a woman) because I didn't think I could live my life as a gay man. When my marriage broke up (over other issues), I decided to live true to who I am and came out. My journey is ongoing, but your inspiring story has helped me more than you can know! I wish that I could speak with you at length because you are obviously very knowledgeable in the Word and have wisdom beyond your years. Thank you and may God richly bless you. -RJ

RJ Popio 07/25/2015 12:51

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